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What To Do If Someone
Is Being Abused
What To Do If Someone
Is Being Abused
The Canadian Women’s Foundation recommends the following response if you believe that someone is experiencing domestic abuse:
- If someone is in immediate danger, you can call 911 or the emergency number in your community
- Learn about emergency services in your community, such as your local women’s shelter or sexual assault centre. Search online or consult the front pages of your telephone directory.
- Put safety first. Talk to the person in private. Never talk to anyone about abuse in front of a suspected abuser. Never give her information through voice messages or emails that might be discovered by her abuse. However, abuse thrives in secrecy, so speak up if you can do so safely. It may be helpful to say something like, “I am concerned that you are in an abusive relationship. Is there anything I can do?”
- If she wants to talk, listen. Tell her the violence is not her fault, and that she deserves to be treated with respect, no matter what. Let her know you do not blame her. Don’t expect to know all the answers. Explore options with her. Don’t try to take over or tell her what to do. Ask direct, simple questions such as: “Do you want me to help you find someone to talk to?” or “Do you want to go somewhere safe?” If she isn’t sure what to do, simply encourage her to talk, and listen without judgment. If she is open to support, you can share available resources (e.g. crisis lines, women’s shelters, sexual assault support centers, etc.).
- If she does not want to talk, simply tell her she does not deserve to be harmed and that you are concerned for her safety. It may be helpful to say something like, “If you want to talk another time, I’m here and am ready to listen.” Ask her if there is anything you can do to help, but do not offer to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or feels unsafe.
- If she decides to stay in the relationship, do not judge her. Leaving an abuser can be very difficult and at times extremely dangerous. Sometimes, the most valuable thing you can offer a woman who is being abused is your respect. (A woman may stay in an abusive relationship for a number of reasons.)